I never knew how scary Acid Reflux can be. I thought it was just like really bad heart burn. Then it happened to Maxx. He didn't have any issues with this as a baby. That's why it came as such a shock.
It was the night of our 15th anniversary we had just settled in for the night. When suddenly I hear a choking cry come from down the hallway. I turn terrified to my husband. It's Maxx again. He was gasping and clawing again. We held him as we tried giving him a breathing treatment. He was spitting frothy/slimy spit and wiping his mouth as if it was disgusting. We believed it to be another asthma attack and followed what the doctors told us. This time making the diagnosis a permanent part of his life.
I watched in horror as he struggled and screamed. Slowly his lips started to turn blue. This was the moment I called for an ambulance. The wait for help felt eternal. Before we were even in the ambulance the paramedic trainer said "oh yeah this is just another croup case." The paramedics tried to make me ride in the front as Maxx was strapped in the back for the ride. He lost it as soon as I disappeared from view. I ended up riding the 10 miles strapped on the gurney in the back of the ambulance holding him. I argued throughout the ride that it just sounds wrong. There was a weird wheeze but no cough. She told me that I didn't know what I was talking about and that she was the medical professional. It was hard to silence my mom brain. It screamed at me that this diagnosis was wrong. I've been through croup, whooping cough and so many other childhood illnesses between my 5 kids. Croup would have responded to his breathing treatments.
I'll never forget sitting in that chair next to his hospital bed as he took breathing treatment after breathing treatment to get his breathing normalized. Terrified that it was not working and they were not doing enough to help.
Maxx ended up being admitted to the Pediatric ICU. I sat there as my normally active kid just lay there listlessly. Pulmonary specialists were called. They now said he may have been admitted with croup but it was not croup, because it was not responding how it should to croup medicine. The wheeze was too high in his chest and he had no cough. They were now considering an asthma diagnosis.
With nurses in and out constantly taking note of his vitals I explained to Maxx that they were checking his numbers. The numbers said how sick he was and when he got better numbers we could go home. One visit late in the night as the nurse was adjusting tubes. He tilted his head back to watch the monitor with his "numbers" that was hanging just over his head behind the bed. It was almost as if magic. His horrible wheeze disappeared. Before the nurse could rush out I pointed this weird phenomenon. She had a confused look on her face and said to me "that's weird." I demanded to see a doctor in his room now.
The doctor arrived and asked me to repeat what had happened as he listened to Maxx. Sure enough the wheeze was gone when he looked up but back when he sat normal. The doctor was stumped so he then called in the Pediatric Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist. With the scope still down Maxx's nose the doctor announced, "Look at those acid burns, he has acid reflux not breathing problems." The acid reflux had made his vocal chords swell to the point it was causing difficulty breathing. This was long term damage. (even his tonsils had burn marks on them) I asked if this could be what was wrong when we were at the hospital 6 months before. He said it was most likely the problem. Not only was it missed by the hospital we went to for treatment but also by his pediatrician at his follow up appointment.
Now Maxx knows what food he can't have. I've helped to educated him on what causes him to make excessive acid. He refuses to eat chocolates, because as Maxx explains they make his tummy hurt his throat and make him not breathe. Nothing like a scary trip to the hospital to scare your away from chocolate for life. He is now on a daily dose of prescription Zantac.
I never knew this was even a possibility with Acid Reflux. I never knew it could be so severe that it could actually swell his throat closed.
Friday, May 30, 2014
The evil of Asthma... or is it?
One night in the early morning hours I lay there in bed struggling to force myself back to sleep. Then I hear it... Maxx has woken up coughing this horrible cough. ( unlike croup or whooping cough) he crying as if in pain. I rush to his room to find him clawing at his throat screaming in terror now.
I rush Maxx to my room and get a nebulizer treatment started. Believing this to be another episode of something in This isn't his first time using a nebulizer. (Bronchiolitis in the past). The difference this time.. He wants nothing to do with it and starts screaming louder. As I have him sitting in my lap he is biting at me, scratching and starts to spin like a gator. I wake my husband in the worst possible way by yelling "Help me!" Over our child's screams. ( how he slept up to this point I don't understand)
I watch as my husband calms him to take a treatment. My poor husband is an old pro at breathing treatments having had them himself from the time he three. I see the guilt in his face as he blames himself for passing this lung disease to our boys.
We rush him to the hospital. On the way there his breathing calms, I start thinking they will say I am overreacting and send us away. His breathing is still not normal, with a strange rasp.
I carry him into the emergency room. As I approach the nurse station tears start streaming down my face as I remember what it felt like for me having my first asthma attack at the age of 12. I thought I was choking on a chip during lunch while at school. One minutes I was coughing, the next I had blacked out and my friends were helping me to the nurses office as I clawed at my neck trying to get air.
As I approach the desk, I blurt out, "Please help my son.. I think he's having an asthma attack." The three guys at the station take one look at me and rush us through check-in.
I'll never forget the hours after that with the many medical professional standing outside that glass walled room staring at us like a specimen on a slide. Not talking to us, for the most part just scaring the crap out of me.
I look back now and wonder is it my fault they diagnosed Acute Asthma attack since that is what I came in crying. Why had no one looked in his mouth or at his throat? If they had looked back then would they have seen the damage? It was very visible once we finally got our true diagnosis 6 months later in an even scarier incident. Why had his pediatrician not seen this at his checkup between these incidents? My faith in the medical community is not as strong as they once were. It just feels like educated guessing. Too many times it's without even finding out all the facts first.
I rush Maxx to my room and get a nebulizer treatment started. Believing this to be another episode of something in This isn't his first time using a nebulizer. (Bronchiolitis in the past). The difference this time.. He wants nothing to do with it and starts screaming louder. As I have him sitting in my lap he is biting at me, scratching and starts to spin like a gator. I wake my husband in the worst possible way by yelling "Help me!" Over our child's screams. ( how he slept up to this point I don't understand)
I watch as my husband calms him to take a treatment. My poor husband is an old pro at breathing treatments having had them himself from the time he three. I see the guilt in his face as he blames himself for passing this lung disease to our boys.
We rush him to the hospital. On the way there his breathing calms, I start thinking they will say I am overreacting and send us away. His breathing is still not normal, with a strange rasp.
I carry him into the emergency room. As I approach the nurse station tears start streaming down my face as I remember what it felt like for me having my first asthma attack at the age of 12. I thought I was choking on a chip during lunch while at school. One minutes I was coughing, the next I had blacked out and my friends were helping me to the nurses office as I clawed at my neck trying to get air.
As I approach the desk, I blurt out, "Please help my son.. I think he's having an asthma attack." The three guys at the station take one look at me and rush us through check-in.
I'll never forget the hours after that with the many medical professional standing outside that glass walled room staring at us like a specimen on a slide. Not talking to us, for the most part just scaring the crap out of me.
I look back now and wonder is it my fault they diagnosed Acute Asthma attack since that is what I came in crying. Why had no one looked in his mouth or at his throat? If they had looked back then would they have seen the damage? It was very visible once we finally got our true diagnosis 6 months later in an even scarier incident. Why had his pediatrician not seen this at his checkup between these incidents? My faith in the medical community is not as strong as they once were. It just feels like educated guessing. Too many times it's without even finding out all the facts first.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
From one that was left behind
Suicide is never the answer. It is the most selfish thing to do. It leaves so much pain and anguish behind, more than you could ever imagine.
Today I had to tell my kids that you were gone. I couldn't tell them that you chose to leave, the words just wouldn't come. I watched as the safe little world I surrounded them in burst into a million painful shards. You were a person my kids loved. I pitifully explained that our time with everyone is a gift that needs to be treasured. Even though you didn't treasure your own life enough to stay.
My sister fell in love with you after many years in a a relationship I worried would kill any hope in her heart for love. Looking back I remember listening as you both talked about a forever together.
Today I held her as she screamed out her loss and anguish. I listened as she blamed herself for your self-seeking choice. In that moment I hated you with every part of my being. You left us behind to pick up the pieces of her that you had shattered. This gentle soul that does not like to see conflict or pain, who roots for the little guy and always finds a reason to like someone. You didn't even protect her from your final selfish choice and left her to discover what you had done. Left her to be the one to make those painful calls to your family, because you chose not to be strong enough to cry out for help.
You promised her a future that held great promise. Today she ends it with no home to go to because your family would not let her stay in the home you both shared. No love to cradle her in their arms and tell her that the world will be ok again. A future uncertain and a heart in anguish. You promised me you wouldn't hurt her and yet you destroyed her whole world today. You were her whole world, because of that I had let you into mine. I say FUCK YOU! For all those left behind to pick up and keep moving on.
I stand today guilty of having those thoughts myself in the past. After seeing the aftermath of suicide I am angry at myself for having even considered it as an option. Thankfully I got the help I needed from my support system. I leaned too close over that cliff of despair and they pulled me back away from the edge.
Suicide is never the answer. If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, please get help. Do not brush off comments by co-workers no matter how flippant they may seem. You could be the one person that heard the warning.
There are many ways to get help. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Today I had to tell my kids that you were gone. I couldn't tell them that you chose to leave, the words just wouldn't come. I watched as the safe little world I surrounded them in burst into a million painful shards. You were a person my kids loved. I pitifully explained that our time with everyone is a gift that needs to be treasured. Even though you didn't treasure your own life enough to stay.
My sister fell in love with you after many years in a a relationship I worried would kill any hope in her heart for love. Looking back I remember listening as you both talked about a forever together.
Today I held her as she screamed out her loss and anguish. I listened as she blamed herself for your self-seeking choice. In that moment I hated you with every part of my being. You left us behind to pick up the pieces of her that you had shattered. This gentle soul that does not like to see conflict or pain, who roots for the little guy and always finds a reason to like someone. You didn't even protect her from your final selfish choice and left her to discover what you had done. Left her to be the one to make those painful calls to your family, because you chose not to be strong enough to cry out for help.
You promised her a future that held great promise. Today she ends it with no home to go to because your family would not let her stay in the home you both shared. No love to cradle her in their arms and tell her that the world will be ok again. A future uncertain and a heart in anguish. You promised me you wouldn't hurt her and yet you destroyed her whole world today. You were her whole world, because of that I had let you into mine. I say FUCK YOU! For all those left behind to pick up and keep moving on.
I stand today guilty of having those thoughts myself in the past. After seeing the aftermath of suicide I am angry at myself for having even considered it as an option. Thankfully I got the help I needed from my support system. I leaned too close over that cliff of despair and they pulled me back away from the edge.
Suicide is never the answer. If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, please get help. Do not brush off comments by co-workers no matter how flippant they may seem. You could be the one person that heard the warning.
There are many ways to get help. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
In Dire Need of Mental Health Care Reform
The way the mentally ill are treated in the United States is horrible.
Be warned there is mature language in this post. This topic is one that make me very angry.
In this country we need mental health care reform in a very serious way. We went from a country that made institutionalizing people far easier than it should be. (Don't want to be married to your wife anymore? Just say she is crazy and have her placed in an institution. Then divorce her for abandoning you.) We are now a country that makes it impossible to get the help that mentally ill people need until they have harmed someone. We thought the abuses were over when we closed these horrible places. Now the world can see that the abusers have just moved buildings as we turn a blind eye. We need better mental health training for our police, so when they answer a call that involves someone under an episode they can respond in a non deadly manner. We need changes so that when individuals with mental health issues are jailed they can receive the medical care they need without delays or posturing.
Many years ago we had a friend that ended up in jail for 3 days over some minor crap. He was denied his medication for Schizophrenia for his entire stay. His parents had even brought it for him with doctor's notes stating it's need.
After being released he took his medicine as usual but it needs to be built up in his system to work correctly. Our usually happy friend ended up having an episode. This episode involved coming to my house and screaming at me about a video we supposedly borrowed without returning. (we didn't even borrow it) He was over the top angry. Spit was flying from his mouth as he yelled at me, calling me a lying bitch. He got in my face yelling at times things that made no sense at all.
I was alone with my oldest two as toddlers.(they were napping) I was afraid of how violent he was going to get. Luckily I knew him enough to know this was not normal behavior. I remained calm and convinced him it must be somewhere else. I collapsed in tears when he did leave. I felt horrible for the thoughts I had when he showed up acting aggressively. I was expecting my two children to be waking up any minute. Was I going to have to hurt my friend to stop him from harming my children or myself? Luckily I didn't have to. I snapped into what I call waitress mode. I stood there with a smile on my face. I him answered calmly and quietly. It was almost as if he didn't know how to process my reaction to his angry outbursts. His head tilting to the side at times just like a puppy learning commands. He left in a slightly calmer state as well as in confusion.
He was horrified when he learned what had happened. I was horrified when cried as he apologized to me. I knew that it wasn't my friend who was standing before me that acted like that. It was the unhealthy part of his brain filtering everything through a filter of unreasonable anger. He did not choose to go off his medication. He was denied his medical rights.
Be warned there is mature language in this post. This topic is one that make me very angry.
In this country we need mental health care reform in a very serious way. We went from a country that made institutionalizing people far easier than it should be. (Don't want to be married to your wife anymore? Just say she is crazy and have her placed in an institution. Then divorce her for abandoning you.) We are now a country that makes it impossible to get the help that mentally ill people need until they have harmed someone. We thought the abuses were over when we closed these horrible places. Now the world can see that the abusers have just moved buildings as we turn a blind eye. We need better mental health training for our police, so when they answer a call that involves someone under an episode they can respond in a non deadly manner. We need changes so that when individuals with mental health issues are jailed they can receive the medical care they need without delays or posturing.
Many years ago we had a friend that ended up in jail for 3 days over some minor crap. He was denied his medication for Schizophrenia for his entire stay. His parents had even brought it for him with doctor's notes stating it's need.
After being released he took his medicine as usual but it needs to be built up in his system to work correctly. Our usually happy friend ended up having an episode. This episode involved coming to my house and screaming at me about a video we supposedly borrowed without returning. (we didn't even borrow it) He was over the top angry. Spit was flying from his mouth as he yelled at me, calling me a lying bitch. He got in my face yelling at times things that made no sense at all.
I was alone with my oldest two as toddlers.(they were napping) I was afraid of how violent he was going to get. Luckily I knew him enough to know this was not normal behavior. I remained calm and convinced him it must be somewhere else. I collapsed in tears when he did leave. I felt horrible for the thoughts I had when he showed up acting aggressively. I was expecting my two children to be waking up any minute. Was I going to have to hurt my friend to stop him from harming my children or myself? Luckily I didn't have to. I snapped into what I call waitress mode. I stood there with a smile on my face. I him answered calmly and quietly. It was almost as if he didn't know how to process my reaction to his angry outbursts. His head tilting to the side at times just like a puppy learning commands. He left in a slightly calmer state as well as in confusion.
He was horrified when he learned what had happened. I was horrified when cried as he apologized to me. I knew that it wasn't my friend who was standing before me that acted like that. It was the unhealthy part of his brain filtering everything through a filter of unreasonable anger. He did not choose to go off his medication. He was denied his medical rights.
Monday, May 19, 2014
Puke Fairy
Oh Puke Fairy why did you have to make a stop here in my house. The end of the school year is in sight. Is it not bad enough that it got me on Mother's Day? She had to circle back around and get the youngest as well. Nothing like a stomach bug with someone with no puking manners.
Feel that sick feeling in your gut? Begin making your way to or aiming at a proper receptacle. Do not remain where you are. At no time should you move to a carpeted area or on top of upholstered furniture.
Ugh... Time for crackers and electrolyte fluids. The Puke Fairy won the first round all over my couch. I made the mistake of giving him a sipper cup. I have now resorted to a medicine capful every 15-30 minutes. He's holding it down as well as the crackers... for now. Wish me luck, this ends with him. I am so done with puke.
Thank goodness for sanitizing wipes. I have been using those like mad today. My Hoover Floormate SpinScrub has been a godsend when he poured puke as I ran down the hallway with him to the bathroom.
Oh the joys of motherhood. Sounds so glamourous, I can see why women do it.
Feel that sick feeling in your gut? Begin making your way to or aiming at a proper receptacle. Do not remain where you are. At no time should you move to a carpeted area or on top of upholstered furniture.
Ugh... Time for crackers and electrolyte fluids. The Puke Fairy won the first round all over my couch. I made the mistake of giving him a sipper cup. I have now resorted to a medicine capful every 15-30 minutes. He's holding it down as well as the crackers... for now. Wish me luck, this ends with him. I am so done with puke.
Thank goodness for sanitizing wipes. I have been using those like mad today. My Hoover Floormate SpinScrub has been a godsend when he poured puke as I ran down the hallway with him to the bathroom.
Oh the joys of motherhood. Sounds so glamourous, I can see why women do it.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Zip Code Specific Gardening
Want to know when to plant your garden for your specific zip code? Use SproutRobot! If you are like me and live in an area with many micro climates, this is a great help. I hope to be able to put this into more use.
Our compost is really starting to look great. The benefit of living in a hot climate, is it seems to break down faster. The chickens go crazy every time I turn the compost. I joke that they are begging to be let loose on the compost. Sorry ladies, Las Vegas does not approve of chickens out of their coop/run.
Right now we only have 3 topsy turvy planters. I found them on sale in the middle of winter for $2 each a few years ago. We finally got them hung and filled this year. Yes, I am guilty of being a procrastinator married to a procrastinator. With 5 kids I feel like I spend much of my day in damage control. (3 glasses were broken by my kids this week alone)
Growing in our hanging planters are tomatoes, two kinds of peppers and strawberries. Everything but one of our peppers has flowered. We have gotten a few strawberries that my kids instantly ate. We have 1 huge pepper on one plant and nothing on the other. Darn bugs attacked and destroyed the leaves faster than it grew them. We may not get anything from it. Our tomato plant has tons of little green tomatoes. We are just waiting for them to redden up. Although some fried green tomatoes like my dad used to make sounds really good. Or the pickled green tomatoes from my mom. Is my lack of patience showing?
I can't wait for the first taste of a sun warmed tomato. They have a different scent and taste that for some reason makes me feel as if everything is right with the world at that moment. Then another dish breaks and I'm back in the trenches of motherhood again. Thank goodness for my Tomato Vine Scentsy scent. I bring that sun warmed vine smell into my house anytime I want.
Are you an urban gardener? What is the one thing you love growing the most?
Our compost is really starting to look great. The benefit of living in a hot climate, is it seems to break down faster. The chickens go crazy every time I turn the compost. I joke that they are begging to be let loose on the compost. Sorry ladies, Las Vegas does not approve of chickens out of their coop/run.
Right now we only have 3 topsy turvy planters. I found them on sale in the middle of winter for $2 each a few years ago. We finally got them hung and filled this year. Yes, I am guilty of being a procrastinator married to a procrastinator. With 5 kids I feel like I spend much of my day in damage control. (3 glasses were broken by my kids this week alone)
Growing in our hanging planters are tomatoes, two kinds of peppers and strawberries. Everything but one of our peppers has flowered. We have gotten a few strawberries that my kids instantly ate. We have 1 huge pepper on one plant and nothing on the other. Darn bugs attacked and destroyed the leaves faster than it grew them. We may not get anything from it. Our tomato plant has tons of little green tomatoes. We are just waiting for them to redden up. Although some fried green tomatoes like my dad used to make sounds really good. Or the pickled green tomatoes from my mom. Is my lack of patience showing?
I can't wait for the first taste of a sun warmed tomato. They have a different scent and taste that for some reason makes me feel as if everything is right with the world at that moment. Then another dish breaks and I'm back in the trenches of motherhood again. Thank goodness for my Tomato Vine Scentsy scent. I bring that sun warmed vine smell into my house anytime I want.
Are you an urban gardener? What is the one thing you love growing the most?
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