Suicide is never the answer. It is the most selfish thing to do. It leaves so much pain and anguish behind, more than you could ever imagine.
Today I had to tell my kids that you were gone. I couldn't tell them that you chose to leave, the words just wouldn't come. I watched as the safe little world I surrounded them in burst into a million painful shards. You were a person my kids loved. I pitifully explained that our time with everyone is a gift that needs to be treasured. Even though you didn't treasure your own life enough to stay.
My sister fell in love with you after many years in a a relationship I worried would kill any hope in her heart for love. Looking back I remember listening as you both talked about a forever together.
Today I held her as she screamed out her loss and anguish. I listened as she blamed herself for your self-seeking choice. In that moment I hated you with every part of my being. You left us behind to pick up the pieces of her that you had shattered. This gentle soul that does not like to see conflict or pain, who roots for the little guy and always finds a reason to like someone. You didn't even protect her from your final selfish choice and left her to discover what you had done. Left her to be the one to make those painful calls to your family, because you chose not to be strong enough to cry out for help.
You promised her a future that held great promise. Today she ends it with no home to go to because your family would not let her stay in the home you both shared. No love to cradle her in their arms and tell her that the world will be ok again. A future uncertain and a heart in anguish. You promised me you wouldn't hurt her and yet you destroyed her whole world today. You were her whole world, because of that I had let you into mine. I say FUCK YOU! For all those left behind to pick up and keep moving on.
I stand today guilty of having those thoughts myself in the past. After seeing the aftermath of suicide I am angry at myself for having even considered it as an option. Thankfully I got the help I needed from my support system. I leaned too close over that cliff of despair and they pulled me back away from the edge.
Suicide is never the answer. If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, please get help. Do not brush off comments by co-workers no matter how flippant they may seem. You could be the one person that heard the warning.
There are many ways to get help. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Showing posts with label Mental Health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mental Health. Show all posts
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
In Dire Need of Mental Health Care Reform
The way the mentally ill are treated in the United States is horrible.
Be warned there is mature language in this post. This topic is one that make me very angry.
In this country we need mental health care reform in a very serious way. We went from a country that made institutionalizing people far easier than it should be. (Don't want to be married to your wife anymore? Just say she is crazy and have her placed in an institution. Then divorce her for abandoning you.) We are now a country that makes it impossible to get the help that mentally ill people need until they have harmed someone. We thought the abuses were over when we closed these horrible places. Now the world can see that the abusers have just moved buildings as we turn a blind eye. We need better mental health training for our police, so when they answer a call that involves someone under an episode they can respond in a non deadly manner. We need changes so that when individuals with mental health issues are jailed they can receive the medical care they need without delays or posturing.
Many years ago we had a friend that ended up in jail for 3 days over some minor crap. He was denied his medication for Schizophrenia for his entire stay. His parents had even brought it for him with doctor's notes stating it's need.
After being released he took his medicine as usual but it needs to be built up in his system to work correctly. Our usually happy friend ended up having an episode. This episode involved coming to my house and screaming at me about a video we supposedly borrowed without returning. (we didn't even borrow it) He was over the top angry. Spit was flying from his mouth as he yelled at me, calling me a lying bitch. He got in my face yelling at times things that made no sense at all.
I was alone with my oldest two as toddlers.(they were napping) I was afraid of how violent he was going to get. Luckily I knew him enough to know this was not normal behavior. I remained calm and convinced him it must be somewhere else. I collapsed in tears when he did leave. I felt horrible for the thoughts I had when he showed up acting aggressively. I was expecting my two children to be waking up any minute. Was I going to have to hurt my friend to stop him from harming my children or myself? Luckily I didn't have to. I snapped into what I call waitress mode. I stood there with a smile on my face. I him answered calmly and quietly. It was almost as if he didn't know how to process my reaction to his angry outbursts. His head tilting to the side at times just like a puppy learning commands. He left in a slightly calmer state as well as in confusion.
He was horrified when he learned what had happened. I was horrified when cried as he apologized to me. I knew that it wasn't my friend who was standing before me that acted like that. It was the unhealthy part of his brain filtering everything through a filter of unreasonable anger. He did not choose to go off his medication. He was denied his medical rights.
Be warned there is mature language in this post. This topic is one that make me very angry.
In this country we need mental health care reform in a very serious way. We went from a country that made institutionalizing people far easier than it should be. (Don't want to be married to your wife anymore? Just say she is crazy and have her placed in an institution. Then divorce her for abandoning you.) We are now a country that makes it impossible to get the help that mentally ill people need until they have harmed someone. We thought the abuses were over when we closed these horrible places. Now the world can see that the abusers have just moved buildings as we turn a blind eye. We need better mental health training for our police, so when they answer a call that involves someone under an episode they can respond in a non deadly manner. We need changes so that when individuals with mental health issues are jailed they can receive the medical care they need without delays or posturing.
Many years ago we had a friend that ended up in jail for 3 days over some minor crap. He was denied his medication for Schizophrenia for his entire stay. His parents had even brought it for him with doctor's notes stating it's need.
After being released he took his medicine as usual but it needs to be built up in his system to work correctly. Our usually happy friend ended up having an episode. This episode involved coming to my house and screaming at me about a video we supposedly borrowed without returning. (we didn't even borrow it) He was over the top angry. Spit was flying from his mouth as he yelled at me, calling me a lying bitch. He got in my face yelling at times things that made no sense at all.
I was alone with my oldest two as toddlers.(they were napping) I was afraid of how violent he was going to get. Luckily I knew him enough to know this was not normal behavior. I remained calm and convinced him it must be somewhere else. I collapsed in tears when he did leave. I felt horrible for the thoughts I had when he showed up acting aggressively. I was expecting my two children to be waking up any minute. Was I going to have to hurt my friend to stop him from harming my children or myself? Luckily I didn't have to. I snapped into what I call waitress mode. I stood there with a smile on my face. I him answered calmly and quietly. It was almost as if he didn't know how to process my reaction to his angry outbursts. His head tilting to the side at times just like a puppy learning commands. He left in a slightly calmer state as well as in confusion.
He was horrified when he learned what had happened. I was horrified when cried as he apologized to me. I knew that it wasn't my friend who was standing before me that acted like that. It was the unhealthy part of his brain filtering everything through a filter of unreasonable anger. He did not choose to go off his medication. He was denied his medical rights.
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