Celebrating 15 years of Marriage

Our Wedding Day

I remember looking at him that morning and thinking that I could never love this man more than I did as I looked into his eyes at that moment.  I stood there gazing into his eyes silently praying my bitchy soon to be Monster in Law would not interrupt the ceremony.  (shockingly she didn't interrupt but she did show up halfway through our vows.) We have been through so much together as a couple through the years and even when things threatened to tear us apart, we became closer in the end. I look back now and am astonished at just how much more deeply in love we are. 

Best advice I can give to any couple is Communicate.  Speak up when you are upset, don't let it fester inside. When angry don't say hurtful things and always say your sorry. Don't talk bad about your spouse to anyone, it doesn't make you feel better to vent.  It just reinforces the negative feeling.  Be their cheerleader, crow their good deeds and accomplishments.   Declare your love for each other often and express it even more.  You are now a part of a whole.  Treat them as the other half that makes you whole.  Continue to always date each other even if it ends up being a bag of popcorn and a shared movie in bed after the kids go to sleep.  Never leave the getting to know you phase.  You will both be growing and changing through the years. I know I am not the same person he started dating almost 18 years ago.  

Senior Prom

Junior Prom

Looking at our pictures here I swear his face has changed more than mine. My change has all been in hair color. I now sport a super awesome racing stripe of silver grey near my temple. I'm slowly starting to look like some comic book villain or leader of a secret group of super hereoes. 

It was at my Junior Prom that he proposed to me for the first time.  They had stupid little fake wedding ceremonies going on at prom. (I don't know why.. Vegas I guess)  Standing there laughing with my friends about how stupid the fake ceremony is and how it is our teachers doing these cheese fest ceremonies.  When Dan gets down on one knee and asks me to marry him.  Instantly I feel like everyone is watching us.  I blush deeply and tell him, "Yes, yes let's go get in the stupid line get off the ground."

I am blessed to say that my husband is my best friend.   He's my Addiction too.  It's really not my fault.  It's his fault because he's mostly amazing.  I say mostly because he can sing, dance, really good sense of humor, and has great looking into his 30's (no grey hair yet.. the lucky bastard) He is no paragon he has his annoying habits as well; like shedding clothing like Bruce Almighty (they stay where they fall) or hair from shaving is always left as evidence that he actually did shave.  

I'm no angel either. I'm sure I annoy the crap out of him some of the time. (okay a lot of the time, but he says I'm worth it) I'm so grateful this man fell so deep in love with me.  He says the moment he met me it was like time stopped and everything else faded away.

We rarely go out, with 5 kids can you really blame us?  Instead we spend our time together playing Final Fantasy 11.  I joke that he only had me start playing because he needed a healer.   This way sure is a lot cheaper of a date night than to get a babysitter, movie tickets and have to be around annoying people coughing /sneezing.  ::throws a gummy bear::
My idea of a great date night is take-out in bed with netflix/video games.  Dessert of chocolate fondue and a late night of laughing.  It works for us, it may not work for you. Find what fills your cup as a couple.   Do more of that. Be open to trying something they like, you never know.. you could enjoy it as well.

Gunnerace and Lunarine on Leviathan server FFXI

30 Days of Thankful (Day27)

My 30 Days of Thankful

Day 27

I am thankful for my parents.  They gave me a great example of how to make a marriage succeed throughout many years.  Growing up I was surrounded by friends trying to survive their parents' divorces.  I was the odd man out, my parents were still married to each other and it was their first marriage.  At times admitting that I was looked upon like a freak of nature.

That was why in my wedding vows I wanted the words. "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder."  We vowed before I wedding day that it would be forever.  That no matter what the issue we would work through it. On my wedding day both my husband and I forgot to tell the minister.  When the moment came and the minister said those words we both believed that the other had remembered to tell him.  

I learned from my parents that having a successful marriage didn't mean that you would never fight.  It meant that there were times you would fight but you had to fight fair.  Don't say things in anger that will injure your loved ones soul.  Hurtful words from someone you love injure far deeper than from an enemy.  I was once told by my Monster In Law that in a real true relationship there would never be fights. ::eyeroll::   If you never fight than neither of you care enough about the outcome to want to fight for it. Apathy is not welcome in a  healthy marriage.  (good thing I wiser than to take marriage advice from a two time bitter divorcee)

You must learn to communicate your needs and wants. Unless you are lucky enough to marry a mind reader.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!! 41 years together!

30 Days of Thankful (Day7)

My 30 Days of Thankful

Day 7
I am thankful for my husband, my best friend, and soul mate.  Who would have guessed that I would meet the other half to my heart in my driveway and when I was only 16.
We have been married for 14 years as of today.  He proposed to me so many times I lost count of the ways and number of times.  It is almost like he was afraid I had changed my mind.

One of the times he proposed to me was at my Junior Prom.  It was held at the MGM Grand Theme Park. (Weird.. I know but not as weird as my Senior Prom at Hammagren's Mansion) We were standing around talking to my friends and he had the whole group laughing. (as he always does)  When we both noticed they had fake wedding ceremonies going on. (officiated by the teachers that were chaperoning the dance)  I  rolled my eyes as I laughed at one of the girls physically dragging her date to the line.  A minute or so later he gets down on his knee and start professing his love to me.  My friends start gushing with "aww how sweet" and "OMG".  Flustered that everyone was now looking at us I told him, "Yes, Yes.. OK! Just get up! Lets go get in line for the fake weddings."  He stood up and gave me a kiss.  As he led me to the line he says to me, "This will have to do... for now."

We were best friends long before we were ever love interests and our friendship bloomed into much more.  I am happy to spend the rest of my life with my best friend.  I'll fight for him even when I'm angry with him. He's my addiction. I can't get enough of being with him. I miss him even when he is gone to work. We've been together for over 16 years and I've fallen deeper in love every day.

Thank you for 14 wonderful years, I look forward to the next 14 and many more.

I've got an Addiction

I'm actually going to admit it. I have an addiction.  It's overwhelming me to the point that it's all I think about throughout most my day.  I've been told it's unhealthy but that doesn't change anything.  I just can't live without it.

What are you wondering is my horrible addiction to?

I am addicted to my husband.  I know kinda corny huh?  After 15 years of being together and almost 13 years of marriage I still can't wait to be around him.  I used to think I had it really bad when we were dating and I would pine just to hear him on the phone.  It's so much worse now that I actually get to have him in my day to day life. My day is spent in countdown until he gets home from work.

Don't get me wrong there are times when he drives me nuttier than squirrel poo.  The days I just want a shower alone, but I'm there it just feels so empty.  I feel guilty taking a nap before he leaves for work because I know just how much I will miss him when he does leave.

I've been told my my Monster in Law that this is unhealthy.  ::rolls eyes:: That we should not be each other's best friend.  That we need interests that don't include each other.  (yeah.. relationship advice from a twice divorcee)  ::rolls eyes::  We do have interests that do not include each other.  He watches some of his favorite shows that make me want to stab myself in the eye with a spork.  I read romance novels that he refers to as "your dirty books".  Is that not enough?

Over the years, (eons in today's society of marriage lifespans) we have learned to communicate our needs to each other.  "I need a nap or I may just run away and join the circus." Ok, so that one is only a recent addition since our 1 yr old only power naps and I am such a light sleeper that a mouse fart two houses down would wake me.  Just being able to say you need a hug is powerful.  The power of touch is amazing.

You can have your caffeine and tobacco addictions... I'm going to stick to my Danny addiction.

Loving by the Dozen

Twelve years ago my husband and I were standing at the altar ready to embark on our life together. Through the years we have experienced a lot of ups and downs. In many ways the trials of life could have driven us apart but we strived to make it bring us even closer. It hasn't been all sweetness and rose petals though. I will be one of the first to admit that for a marriage to work it requires you to work at it. I'm not saying every moment needs to feel like work, but there are times when you have to put work into your marriage to keep things running smoothly. Just like a rare orchid a marriage needs loving attention, tender care and hard work to keep it flowering beautifully and not wither away.

Tips for a healthy happy marriage

• Say I love you everyday. It shouldn't stay unsaid. Those words are better spoken than assumed it known.
• Always part with a hug and kiss because you never know when it will be the last time.
• Use every chance you get to casually touch each other. (any touch of the hands in passing, a brush of the nape, or a hand on the knee) Any little touch to reconnect or stay connected.
• Fight fair. No name calling, and always apologize for words said in anger. ( I have trouble with this one. I have a REALLY short fuse.)
• Take the time to let your spouse know how much you appreciate what they do. If it is working long hours to support the family or take out the trash even when you had to ask. A little appreciation goes a very long way.
• Get to know each other again. Ask questions as if you were on your first date. If you had one week with no responsibilities, no family, no friends, no work what would you do with it? You might learn something you never knew.
• Speak up when you need something from the other person. Just because you have been together so long and it seems like you think the same doesn't mean they know your every thought and need.
• Make them feel like an important part of your life everyday not just on the special occasions.

These are just a few things that I try to do to keep my marriage strong. There are many more things you can do. If you have any good tips to keep any relationship going strong I would love to hear them.

One last note~ A big thank you to my husband for twelve weird but wonderful years together. I look forward to what the next dozen will bring.

Related Articles

• Pick a Dozen Marriage Refreshers! (socyberty.com)
• Cornerstones for a Healthy Marriage (socyberty.com)